I'm glad he won't remember this...

Spring Picture Day 2013 - My favorite Boy

One of the things I've found that really knocks me out of my comfort zone is the phrase, "I'm glad they won't remember this..."

I usually hear it in reference to parents disagreeing over child-rearing tactics while their kids are still crawling, drooling, and oblivious.

But it's one of the many things I can never utter. E will always remember.

Being an 8-year-old, he is currently gathering memories and feelings to keep forever. I don't remember specifics about being eight. I'm sure I could come up with some stories, especially if I had my memory jogged by looking at awkwardly awesome photographs from the 90's. However, if I think back to my childhood, I can definitely remember when my parents argued, how much they argued (thankfully not that much), and how it was resolved or wasn't. I especially remember the feeling I felt when they didn't get along perfectly.

Keeping that in mind, I assume that arguments Tyler and I have will be logged in his memory, and whether he remembers them specifically or remembers the feelings he felt when we argued, it doesn't matter.

I want Tyler and I to suddenly be able to disagree with each other, argue well, never lose our temper, and quickly make-up with much grace and forgiveness, for our own sake as well as E's sake.

How Tyler and I respond to each other will influence how E responds to us. We don't have 3-4 years of parenting before our child remembers what we say or the general tone of the household. We have a child who says, "Please get along," when we barely discuss things and aren't even upset with each other or offended.

It's also problematic if we just get along to get along. If we disagree on something and don't address it in front of E, but only wait until later to discuss, then he will never learn conflict resolution. If we resolve our conflict, he will learn how to resolve conflict as well.

If we just put it off until later, when he's sound asleep in his renovated attic bedroom, then he misses out on great opportunities to learn. But I know there is a fine line in him seeing conflict resolution and him seeing my own anger and control-freak issues coming to light when Tyler parents differently (and obviously incorrectly) from my own preferences.

If I don't show Tyler respect, E will never show Tyler respect. E follows what I model.

So the newly-wed, quick goals for parenting are:
1. When disagreement arises, if the material is suitable, let E hear some disagreement
2. Make sure if E does hear disagreement, to resolve is ASAP (also in front of him)
3. If I don't agree with Tyler's decision-making at all in regard to E, zip my lip and save it so E will respect Tyler(this is the hardest by far)
4. Love, Mercy, Grace, Forgiveness, Sympathy, Compassion - These are words to live out daily as I interact with my family. They are words I hope my family will remember when interacting with me.

Let's Be Honest - Food and Holidays

Image from Wikipedia

I'm a faux vegetarian.

I know some people will judge me for it, but it's true. I've accepted it. Here's how life works as a faux vegetarian.

From January until Thanksgiving, life is easy. Making and enjoying food as a veggie is casual, yummy, and convenient. It cuts back on grocery bills, encourages our family to eat healthy foods, and doesn't make my stomach feel like a brick every evening. This makes life happy for everyone in our household.

But in the life of a faux veggie, Thanksgiving and Christmas come around every year throwing a wrench into all of my little plans.

From Thanksgiving until January 1, it's hard to eat:
1. Healthy
2. Vegetarian
3. Self-cooked
and not alienate and destroy every relationship with family members and friends I possess or care to possess. I'm not being overly dramatic either. Let's say we go have an extended family dinner the weekend before Christmas. Great Aunt Sally is going to throw a fit or at least a few passive-aggressive comments if I don't eat her turkey gravy, because "I've always eaten it before and she went to so much hassle to make it." In truth, I don't have a Great Aunt Sally, but I'm sure if I did, this is how our early-Christmas interaction would work out.

When visiting family over holidays, I am often the recipient of food rather than the maker of it all. After all, I'm still considered one of the "children" in my family and have yet to inherit the responsibilities of head chef or pastry chef.

I'll be honest. I enjoy it. I love cooking and baking at home, but every now and then, especially during the holidays, I like to take some time off. Who doesn't?

So I ate meat.

I even enjoyed steak on Christmaseve-Eve. I prefer whole sliced meat to hamburger meat because it hasn't been ground and is more "clean." It was free and my father did an excellent job preparing it.

I've learned to be thankful for meals I don't purchase or prepare. This includes meat. While I was likely to make a scene about meat during my early years as a faux vegetarian, to me it isn't worth the hassle any more. Don't get me wrong, I prefer non-meat items. However, I'm an adult now and pay for my own food and manage my time, and being a full-time veggie isn't my top priority, especially from November until January.

But now that we are in a new year, and I am once again the queen of my kitchen, I probably won't be grilling out any steaks anytime soon.

I am happy to detox, appreciate veggies, and eat clean for the next few months.

So call me a faux veggie all you want. I've finally found a balance between what I prefer and what is prepared for me.

Hooray for steak! Hooray for salad!

Happy Weekend.

Let's Be Honest - We do well to simply wait for it.

I meant to write this post yesterday (or 2 days ago) but one thing led to another and then a German student stayed with us and we had a Christmas party, so I was a busy cleaner and chef. But the words are as true today as they were on December 11.

Tyler was not my type when we met. Let's be honest. We both thought the other was weird and would have never considered dating each other. It was the nose ring vs. the fauxhawk. I was the bohemian girl who wore crazy clothes, didn't eat meat, and had the kid, and he was the IT guy. He wore Sperry's and put product in his hair. Meanwhile, I considered dreads.

Tyler 2008

Melissa 2008

For so long, when E was a baby, and really even after I met Tyler, I coveted and so desired to have exactly what I have right now: a husband and family. And so, in all of my foolishness, I decided to go about trying to make it happen on my own. Of course, I believed I knew exactly what I needed and what type of person I needed to love E and me. I was vain and proud, seeking my own happiness and E's as well by looking for me a man. 

I dated a handful or more guys who, if honest, I knew we're not exactly what God had planned for the situation. Looking back, I did this for two reasons.
1. It was a momentary bandaid on my heart desiring and coveting what I didn't have at the moment.
2. When it didn't work out with these guys, I could get over it easily and move on, you know, self-protection.
Lydia Brownback's words come to mind. When wisdom isn't clear, "we do well to simply wait for it."

It may come as a surprise, but the handful of guys didn't make me feel better. In fact, after every guy I dated, I felt emptier than I had previously felt and more and more hopeless that I would ever get married (Yes, I was young. I do not pretend I spent a large part of my adult life single. I do not know what that longing is like. I do know what it is like to have a child and long for a husband though.).

Disclaimer. Not all the guys I met were awful. Some were really great and will be or are wonderful husbands, but they were not what was planned for me. And even when what God planned for me came into view, I initially rejected it.

Even after Tyler and I became friends and it was obvious there was some kind of attraction between us, I kept trying to reject what God had for me. I knew exactly how it was to play out. Tyler realized before I did and patiently and persistently pursued me, desiring God's best for me and loving me every step of the way.

It took me so long to rest in the truth of the last 1.5 years. I'm daily reminded of how much I do not deserve Tyler and how much God brought me through in order to prepare me for marriage to him. I was reminded of this because of a quote from David Macintyre I found in Melissa Kruger's book, The Envy Of Eve. I know, I'm cringing at the idea of not using an original source, but I had to give Melissa K. props for her book because its amazing and challenging and frustrating and liberating all rolled into one. Here is David Macintyre's quote:

"Much, very much, has often to be accomplished in us before we are fitted to employ worthily the gifts we covet. And God effects this preparation of heart largely by delaying to grant our request at once, and so holding us in the truth of His presence until we are brought into a spiritual understanding of the will of Christ for us in this respect."

God's sovereignty amazes me. He must have been watching me run around like a madwoman, trying to set up, figure out, and play house like an adult. All the while, He knew exactly where Tyler was, what he was doing, and how he was going to meet me. Tyler interjected into my life at the most unexpected moment, the moment when I thought I had it figured out and under control.

When I finally saw Tyler exactly as he is, exactly how God had brought him into my life, it was a slap across the face. I realize now my idol may have been my desire for control over my family situation.

Of course, my dad later said the day he met Tyler, he knew Tyler would be very important to our family. Oh Dad, of course you knew and of course you didn't tell me because I would have run away from what you said at that point.

My marriage with Tyler has already proven to be a beautiful orchestration by God of right timing amidst hearts not even listening to the same song.


Kruger, Melissa. The Envy of Eve. Ross-shire, Scotland: Christian Focus Publications, 2012: 68.

Butch's Girl

A Man and His Dog - Photo by Tyler

This is my dad, Butch Turner. He's pretty much one of my favorite people in life. He's also one of the most interesting people I've ever met, but you would never know it from his demeanor.

He's quiet, doesn't offer extraneous information unless asked, and when he opens his mouth, either something really funny or profound comes out. He's kind of like Solomon (minus the 700 wives) because he expresses wisdom in much of what he says and does. He's exact, to the point, and slow to speak.

One of the things you should do if ever in a conversation with my dad is ask if he will tell you a story. He experienced some weird and random life occurrences. If I could, I would sit down with my father and ask him to tell me every interesting thing that's ever happened to him. I would write a book of his life, possibly entitled The Epic Life of a Middle-Class White-Boy Born in the Rural South during the 50's.  An interesting fact: My dad has had several experiences with lightning throughout his life. He may not be the best person to be around during a storm.

Of the few people in the world who can truly make me cry, the heartbreaking kind, my dad is at the top of the list. For most of my life, if he just fussed at me for something, even without losing his temper, I would immediately dissolve into a puddle of uncontrollable tears. I'd always thought it was because I was a cryer, but I'm not. I only cry a couple of times a year at the most. It's just my dad. I want his approval and hate disappointing him.

Another interesting fact: My father loves a baby. He may be quiet around adults and other people, but put a baby in his lap, and you will see a side of Butch Turner you've never seen. He will play games, sing songs, make faces, and laugh. He loves children and has been an amazing grandfather to E. Because we lived with my parents for almost six years, my dad and E have an amazing bond that makes my heart so joyful.

Out in the Country - Part 1

Bonfire Prep.

Papa and his Tractor

My dad

Tyler and Dad - Photo by E

Driving

To Build a Fire

Tractor

E and Papa - Best Friends

Over Thanksgiving, we went to visit my parents out at The Farm. Looking back over the pictures, it was really a time of relaxation with my parents. Tyler and E helped my dad build a fire and played out in the yard. My mom and I cooked for Thanksgiving dinner. I really appreciate the setting of my parents' house lately. It's calm, quiet, and away from the city, a refuge from Charlotte and much needed every now and then.

Let's Look Each Other in the Face

1st Anniversary - June 11, 2012

Many days can go by without me looking Tyler in the face. Oh sure, I glance at him. I watch him talk and interact with other people. I see his smiles, furrowed brows, puzzling tilt of the head, chuckles, and fear.

But sometimes this isn't enough. I have to stop Tyler while he's washing dishes or editing photos. I must pause Netflix and just look him in the eye. I need to put my face close enough to see the flecks of color, the true state of the soul. It's so easy to merely coexist and kind of be excited for someone's joy, but I need to feel the same emotions, the same moments, the same elements of life my husband experiences.

We do this not only with the people we love, but with everyone else we encounter. So rarely do we take the step to look at someone's heart, to look in their eyes, probably because it scares us that we will open up our hearts to pain and rejection if we chance to care. It's just easy to keep going.

Recently, I had a conversation with a great friend. I said, "Hey. How are you?"

She said, "I'm really kind of tired and frustrated."

I said, "Good."

She did a double-take, and I realized I wasn't even listening to what she said. And I really count her as one of my true friends. Of course, there were 15 other people in the house creating quite a ruckus, but I still didn't look her in the face, listen, discern, understand what and how she was experiencing life. I'm so thankful she is understanding of my short-comings.

Let's look each other in the face. Let's care about how another's soul feels, the state it's in, the pains, and murmurings of the heart. We may have to risk being hurt, but we experience so much more joy together even amidst any pain. Like the Jack Johnson (am I really quoting him?) lyrics say, "it's always better when we're together." Togetherness makes for more joy in life.

Obsessed with this song.

Some Jingle Bells for everyone's holiday season.

Out in the Country - Part 2

Aren't we close to being done with Thanksgiving pictures? No.

Post Thanksgiving Breakfast

Noni's Kitchen

Love this face and this place

The shed

Look what we found!

Noni's House

Favorite Room

Where we got hitched!

Lift Off

Found Objects

We visited Tyler's grandmother, Noni, in Lamar last week after a lovely vegetable quiche Tyler's mom made. Every time we visit Lamar, it reminds me of my wedding day, when I walked down beneath the giant oak tree and vowed to love Tyler forever. Yes, this is mushy. Moving on.

This particular visit was much different than my wedding day. I took a long nap on Noni's couch (most certainly didn't happen during the wedding) and I made cookies with Noni. Tyler, E, and Tyler's dad shot off rockets. The rockets did resemble the fireworks from June 11, 2011, but they thankfully did not explode in the sky, but parachuted back down to safety. 

It was a great day of rest and relaxation in the country. We found Tyler and his brother's old go-kart in the shed. It needs some work, but we're crossing our fingers it will get fixed soon. Then we won't be able to stop E if we try.

Food, Family, Craziness

With Tyler's Momma, Pam

Pam, Me, Aunt Tammy, and Aunt Jan

Mom's Macaroni and Cheese

Green Bean Salad

I don't have tons of pictures from Thanksgiving Day. Though I didn't vocalize it, I definitely had hopes of showing off tons of pictures like this blog, or this one — didn't happen. Not only did I not take pictures of everything we ate, I also only got a few pictures of family and decorations. I think most of this was because our trip to visit family in Florence, SC was such a whirlwind of events.

Since both families are in the same town, we maneuvered back and forth between them. We visited with my parents on Wednesday afternoon, Thursday, Tyler and his brother went duck hunting, and we did a joint Thanksgiving meal with some extended family on Tyler's side. My parents were there as well. My mom brought her amazing macaroni and cheese, and I helped Tyler's mom make green bean salad, recipe via Jamie Deen. Both were amazing. Thursday night we had the annual Flower's family watching of Christmas Vacation. It's a pretty crazy time, but lots of fun. Friday we got to see my sister and parents, and Saturday we went to the Hicks family reunion. After all of this, we finally headed back home, to Charlotte. I'll post more about life in the country soon.

Family Heirloom Macaroni and Cheese

As silly as it sounds, this macaroni and cheese is kind of a family heirloom in the Turner clan. My Dad's mom made it and then taught my mother to make it after my parents got married. I love it. Seriously. The day after Thanksgiving, we had pizza for dinner. I only had one slice so I could have some macaroni and cheese on the side. My dad makes fun of how much I love it.

Turner Macaroni and Cheese

- 1 box large elbow macaroni (yes, size does matter)

- 4 cups shredded sharp cheddar cheese (buying the block and grating it yourself tastes better)

- Milk

- 1 egg

- Salt and Pepper 

1. Boil the box of macaroni in salted water until they are al dente. 

2. Spray a casserole dish with cooking spray. 

3. Create layers of noodles and cheese (3 layers of noodles, 3 of cheese). 

4. Make sure the top layer of cheese completely covers the noodles.

5. Mix the egg, salt, pepper, and one cup of milk, then pour over the macaroni and cheese.

6. Pour more milk into the casserole dish until you can see milk when you move aside the cheese on top with a spoon.

7. Bake at 350 for 45 minutes or until the cheese browns and the noodles are not sitting in milk.

8. Let cool and serve*.

*You can serve the mac and cheese immediately. However, I prefer 1-day-old mac and cheese. This year my mom made it on Wednesday, and it was perfect reheated on Thursday. I think the extra 24 hours gives all of the ingredients time to mix and mingle and taste amazing.

Jennifer

Thanksgiving 2012

Have I ever told you about my lovely sister, Jennifer? She's the older sister, much more patient and loving sister, and she was graced with long, slender legs. I call her "Jen" now but used to only call her "Sissy." She called me "Misk" circa 1990. Sometimes we still bust that one out.

Jen and her husband, Darren, live in Winston-Salem with their daughter. Before last week, I was sworn to secrecy, but they are expecting their 2nd baby in April 2013. They find out in just a week about the gender! I am so excited to be an aunt of two. She barely looks pregnant, too.

I think this is the place where I'd insert all of the fun, charming, witty, dazzling things we do together. But in reality, Jen and I just live life together and that is what I'm thankful for about her.

Life doesn't have to be grand, unique, and extra special for us to enjoy it. I think at our last get together, our "excursion" was to the new Trader Joe's in Winston. In this season of life, kids and everything, it's fun to just do life together and love each other in that place.

Jennifer is one of my favorites and while we don't look like sisters, I'm thankful we get to learn and grow with and from each other.

Classic Eyes Shut Pose

Let's Be Honest - Thanksgiving

A Cozy Thanksgiving

As the Thanksgiving week jolts into full swing, I'm constantly reminded of everything going on this week. There are the Black Friday sales and emails, food preparation for engorging ourselves on all our favorite comfort foods, family traveling, everyone congregating, memories of past Thanksgivings and the loss of gain or loved ones, Christmas music on the radio, and even the purchase and decoration of a Christmas tree. It's overwhelming to all of our senses if we really stop and think about it.

All of this stuff is definitely part of the season, but I'd hate for it to ruin what I really think, believe, and cherish about Thanksgiving. In all the festivities and preparation (and with Christmas taking over already), I'm so tempted to forget what I'm thankful for each year.  I know a lot of people are doing that Every Day of November Thankfulness thing on Facebook, but I decided against it for a few reasons:

1. I didn't know about it in time
2. I don't want to come up with something just to fulfill the number slot
3. I'll forget.

Instead, I've decided to focus on particular relationships this holiday season. I have so many family members I love but never take the time to get to know. I know that sounds awful and it really is awful. But don't we just do a lot of things alongside our family during Thanksgiving, playing housekeeper and guest, and only focus on the meal being eaten rather than the people around the table?

My goal is to contemplate on the people God has given me, cultivate deep conversations, and pray that all of the food gets cooked on time. You know the whole Mary/Martha thing? I'm definitely a Martha, always doing, doing, doing. I'm preparing, cleaning, trying to be a good housekeeper during holiday seasons and festivities. This year, I want to be Mary and enjoy all of the people and relationships in my life and help cook as well. I just don't want to miss our on my blessings on the one day when we're supposed to really celebrate them.

I'm reminded of Abraham Lincoln's famous Thanksgiving proclamation(p.s. I'm hoping to go see the movie this weekend!):

The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God. In the midst of a civil war of unequaled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign States to invite and to provoke their aggression, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere except in the theatre of military conflict; while that theatre has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union. Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defence, have not arrested the plough, the shuttle or the ship; the axe has enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore. Population has steadily increased, notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege and the battle-field; and the country, rejoicing in the consiousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years with large increase of freedom. No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy. It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and one voice by the whole American People. I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity and Union. 

I also usually don't share stuff like this, but I hate Black Friday and cannot stand shopping frenzies. This really encapsulates how I feel about that day (and yes, I know why they call it Black Friday. Do you?):

A Photo Shoot with Family

This past weekend, Tyler, E, and I loaded up and headed to Winston-Salem to visit my sister and her beautiful family.

I took many photos, which will not be featured today. I'm feeling a picture post coming on, which will surely exhibit some of the beauty of Old Salem and our time in Winston.

One of the goals for this trip was to repay Jen and Darren back for paying for our tickets to Brewgrass. We did a little swap. Free tickets to Brewgrass in exchange for Tyler's photography services for little Lee Bee. I think we got the better end of the deal.

We decided to take Lee Bee down to Old Salem because of Christmas decor and great scenery.  Lee Bee is not quite to the posing stage of life, yet. I do believe if we asked her to pose, she would run in the opposite direction. Tyler's method for this photo shoot was, "let her run around and play, and I will get the pictures."

We started off the photo shoot with an extra Christmas hat on and a juice bottle in hand. However, we ended it with lots of playing and Lee Bee warming up to the camera sans juice and hat. Below, I've included a *few* sneak peaks of her. I made sure not to include any of the most spectacular ones, because I don't want to ruin Jen and Darren's Christmas Card. I will post more of them later.

I'm truly amazed at how Tyler captures images so well. Getting the image is dirty work. By the time we left, he was covered in leaves and dirt, had grass stains on his jeans, and had lost his keys twice. I'm thankful we found them and made it home.

E also stood in as Tyler's photographer's assistant. I did nothing but carry around the camera bag and take pictures with my phone.

E, the Photographer

Checking The Shots

Lee Bee, Playing Chase

Christmas Hat and Juice in Hand

Me, Sunset

Photo of Tyler by E

A Pumpkin Carver is Born

This post is a bit late, but I thought it was notable enough to have a belated appearance.

Last week, Tyler carved his first pumpkin ever. And in typical Tyler-style, he went all out.

The design? R2-D2. It was perfect. Tyler and Ethan decided to carve inside because it was rainy and cold, not to mention dark, when they finally got around to carving.

"The first cut is the deepest..." - Cat Stevens

Gooey Hands

Using a spoon to get the guts out.

A new adventure

While the boys worked on the pumpkin, I made German Hot Chocolate with almond milk (for Ethan's sake). It was delicious.

Trinkschokolade

Our friend, Joseph, came over to help. His artistic expertise was greatly valued. When Tyler realized he bit off more than he could chew, Joseph was there to help. It was a really difficult pattern and Ethan couldn't do too much.

Many minds necessary for pumpkin perfection

The finished product. Amazed.

I also scooped out the pumpkin seeds and followed this recipe for Spiced Pumpkin Seeds. Tyler's response: "I should have carved the second pumpkin so you could make more."

Oven-Roasted Spiced Pumpkin Seeds

The Red Ninja Halloween

A few months ago, E came downstairs with his LEGO red ninja and said, "This is what I want to be for Halloween."

My response? "Ok. We will figure out how to make this happen."

So, as I posted before, I decided to buy a pajama pattern. However, I ended up not having time to make the costume because the day I had free for it was dedicated to making this Owl cake for a friend's baby shower. So Tyler and my mom took over. The results were some great pants made by Tyler and the rest of the outfit created by my mom. Thanks Nana. We could not have made it without you. E was definitely an amazing, stealthy ninja.

I've included some images below of our Halloween extravaganza. We went over to our neighbor's house and then to the neighborhood park for a dinner and parade. I also threw a picture of Tyler in for good measure. I caught the image after he posed with E. They are both such handsome fellows.