Love To Hate

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"Love To Hate"

A few semesters back, one of my students had this tattooed on her wrist. I'm not really sure exactly why she chose this particular phrase, though I think it had something to do with a relationship in her life that she loved and hated at the same time.

However, I was struck by her choice to use the phrase "love to hate" because it shows great wisdom into how we view many of our relationships. I'm not suggesting to go out and tattoo that on your wrist, but I do think her tattoo brings up a good point.

In general, it's easy to be a bad friend. It's easy to love our friends so much and then judge them behind their backs, even if it's just in our mind. This is especially the case with friends who own more material possessions than we do.

When a friend gets a new car, necklace, or a trip to France, we say, "Love it!" We ogle over their trinket, we look up tours for them to take on their trip and tell them how much we love everything about the gift, trip, or house decor. This kind of ogling is especially easy with Facebook.

But the truth is, our love isn't always sincere. Sometimes we only "love" this friend because we desire to be like them. This isn't real love at all. This is idolizing a friend. We put them on a pedestal, hoping to be like this friend one day or have the things they do. We are not a true friend.

When it turns out we aren't like that friend, when we don't get that raise, when our husband doesn't get that new job with business perks and a nice salary, then we're jealous because we don't have what our friends do. We're jealous because we'll have to skip out on the fancy dinner, the matching BMW's, the trips abroad.

We don't have what they do, and we deserve is just as much, right?

Our culture tells us because we were born American, we are inherently entitled to certain blessings and small fortunes. But our culture is wrong.

This particular issue is a challenge for me because Tyler and I are still in the beginning of building our marriage. We are newly weds on one hand, but on the other we have an 8-year-old and hopes of more children sooner rather than later. So it's easy to look at our friends without kids, both working full-time, making plenty of money and compare ourselves. It's easy to look at our friends with plenty of kids, many years of marriage under the belt, with established lives and homes, and feel the same pangs. We're kind of in a category of our own, which has always been the case for E and Me, and now Tyler too.

But by no means are we alone. It's easy for anyone to look at others, because someone else will always have more than we do, and judge their lives.

If I find a beautiful kitchen in a magazine, I want it and love it. But if my friend actually has that kitchen from the magazine and hasn't gone into serious debt to get it, it's easy to judge the kitchen as extravagant and unnecessary. I may even go as far as to think she's wasteful with her money.

But I'm at fault here. I want to truly love my friends. I never want to judge them because I'm really jealous of what they have. The truth is, Tyler and I have more than we deserve. We are blessed and provided for daily.

A heart of jealousy and judgement is one without any thanks.

Also, see my new page, "READ" - I'm channeling the powers of the READ posters by the American Library Association. You know, the ones with famous celebrities you used to see on the walls of your library. It's my booklist for 2013. It will say what I'm currently reading, plan to read, and have already read.

Amazing Mom

Mom.

I've finally gotten to the place where I really appreciate my parents. Everyone always tells kids they'll appreciate and understand their parents one day. Typical of any child, I didn't believe what I heard. But I guess about the time we start turning into our parents, we also start appreciating and loving certain things we used to puzzle over. Ironic and scary.

I love my mom. She seems very quiet when you first meet her, especially in large groups, but don't let her fool you. If you get her one-on-one or in groups of people she knows well, she will speak her mind. I would even suggest to call her a "firecracker." I mean really, look at that sassy look on her face above.

I remember the first time I saw her teaching. She taught at the high school I attended, and I was walking through the hall to take something to another teacher. I looked through the window and watched her for a few minutes. I really couldn't figure out who she was. The woman teaching so little resembled the woman I knew in groups of people. Obviously, in a classroom, she is comfortable and supposedly in charge, so her attitude is much different than in a public arena. I was so confused though, as I watched her quick, witty sarcasm and joking permeate throughout the room. I had never seen that side of her before. 

My mom is great at being crafty. She quilts, sews, knits, crochets, cross-stitches, and paints. She even used to do underwater basket-weaving when I was a kid. It's pretty impressive. I like to think I got some of her creative genes (but my dad is pretty creative in his own way, so I'm sure between the two of them, I've got it covered). 

I'm particularly thankful for my mom this year because of how encouraging she is about E. She always sends me new and inventive ways to encourage E in schoolwork and by praying for him. My mother is a prayer warrior. I do not know the countless hours of her life she has dedicated to praying with and for my dad, sister, and myself. She prays for E, his future wife (what?!?) and Tyler as well. It's so encouraging to know she daily thinks of us and my other family members, too.

Let's Be Honest - Thanksgiving

A Cozy Thanksgiving

As the Thanksgiving week jolts into full swing, I'm constantly reminded of everything going on this week. There are the Black Friday sales and emails, food preparation for engorging ourselves on all our favorite comfort foods, family traveling, everyone congregating, memories of past Thanksgivings and the loss of gain or loved ones, Christmas music on the radio, and even the purchase and decoration of a Christmas tree. It's overwhelming to all of our senses if we really stop and think about it.

All of this stuff is definitely part of the season, but I'd hate for it to ruin what I really think, believe, and cherish about Thanksgiving. In all the festivities and preparation (and with Christmas taking over already), I'm so tempted to forget what I'm thankful for each year.  I know a lot of people are doing that Every Day of November Thankfulness thing on Facebook, but I decided against it for a few reasons:

1. I didn't know about it in time
2. I don't want to come up with something just to fulfill the number slot
3. I'll forget.

Instead, I've decided to focus on particular relationships this holiday season. I have so many family members I love but never take the time to get to know. I know that sounds awful and it really is awful. But don't we just do a lot of things alongside our family during Thanksgiving, playing housekeeper and guest, and only focus on the meal being eaten rather than the people around the table?

My goal is to contemplate on the people God has given me, cultivate deep conversations, and pray that all of the food gets cooked on time. You know the whole Mary/Martha thing? I'm definitely a Martha, always doing, doing, doing. I'm preparing, cleaning, trying to be a good housekeeper during holiday seasons and festivities. This year, I want to be Mary and enjoy all of the people and relationships in my life and help cook as well. I just don't want to miss our on my blessings on the one day when we're supposed to really celebrate them.

I'm reminded of Abraham Lincoln's famous Thanksgiving proclamation(p.s. I'm hoping to go see the movie this weekend!):

The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God. In the midst of a civil war of unequaled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign States to invite and to provoke their aggression, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere except in the theatre of military conflict; while that theatre has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union. Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defence, have not arrested the plough, the shuttle or the ship; the axe has enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore. Population has steadily increased, notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege and the battle-field; and the country, rejoicing in the consiousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years with large increase of freedom. No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy. It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and one voice by the whole American People. I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity and Union. 

I also usually don't share stuff like this, but I hate Black Friday and cannot stand shopping frenzies. This really encapsulates how I feel about that day (and yes, I know why they call it Black Friday. Do you?):