Dear Self,

Dear Self,

You are a foolish woman.

You care more about comfort, self-esteem, and having control than about loving others until you give yourself away, giving up your preferences for others' sake, and making yourself less so He can be made more.

You allow your emotions to guide you. Never mind the fact they change so rapidly you question them yourself and most surely deny their wavering tendencies to others. You are rash with comments and judgments.

Whenever you think you don't have a problem with pride, you most certainly have a problem with pride.

You must remember, "We may think we aren't fools until we realize haughty eyes are walking into someone's home and taking pleasure because we have better taste in decor or because our outfit is more appropriate for the occasion" (Brownback 51).

Wake up! You don't have to be a fool. You've got the remedy. Use it! Live it! Jesus' life and Jesus himself point to the wise and selfless way to live. He is the true wisdom the world will only think of as silly - it's right in front of you. Grasp it, breathe it, and live it. It's the Christmas season for goodness sake!

There you go. You just need a reminder every now and then.

Love,
Your better self

Brownback, Lydia. A Woman's Wisdom. Wheaton, Illinois: Crossway, 2012. Print.

Let's Be Honest - We do well to simply wait for it.

I meant to write this post yesterday (or 2 days ago) but one thing led to another and then a German student stayed with us and we had a Christmas party, so I was a busy cleaner and chef. But the words are as true today as they were on December 11.

Tyler was not my type when we met. Let's be honest. We both thought the other was weird and would have never considered dating each other. It was the nose ring vs. the fauxhawk. I was the bohemian girl who wore crazy clothes, didn't eat meat, and had the kid, and he was the IT guy. He wore Sperry's and put product in his hair. Meanwhile, I considered dreads.

Tyler 2008

Melissa 2008

For so long, when E was a baby, and really even after I met Tyler, I coveted and so desired to have exactly what I have right now: a husband and family. And so, in all of my foolishness, I decided to go about trying to make it happen on my own. Of course, I believed I knew exactly what I needed and what type of person I needed to love E and me. I was vain and proud, seeking my own happiness and E's as well by looking for me a man. 

I dated a handful or more guys who, if honest, I knew we're not exactly what God had planned for the situation. Looking back, I did this for two reasons.
1. It was a momentary bandaid on my heart desiring and coveting what I didn't have at the moment.
2. When it didn't work out with these guys, I could get over it easily and move on, you know, self-protection.
Lydia Brownback's words come to mind. When wisdom isn't clear, "we do well to simply wait for it."

It may come as a surprise, but the handful of guys didn't make me feel better. In fact, after every guy I dated, I felt emptier than I had previously felt and more and more hopeless that I would ever get married (Yes, I was young. I do not pretend I spent a large part of my adult life single. I do not know what that longing is like. I do know what it is like to have a child and long for a husband though.).

Disclaimer. Not all the guys I met were awful. Some were really great and will be or are wonderful husbands, but they were not what was planned for me. And even when what God planned for me came into view, I initially rejected it.

Even after Tyler and I became friends and it was obvious there was some kind of attraction between us, I kept trying to reject what God had for me. I knew exactly how it was to play out. Tyler realized before I did and patiently and persistently pursued me, desiring God's best for me and loving me every step of the way.

It took me so long to rest in the truth of the last 1.5 years. I'm daily reminded of how much I do not deserve Tyler and how much God brought me through in order to prepare me for marriage to him. I was reminded of this because of a quote from David Macintyre I found in Melissa Kruger's book, The Envy Of Eve. I know, I'm cringing at the idea of not using an original source, but I had to give Melissa K. props for her book because its amazing and challenging and frustrating and liberating all rolled into one. Here is David Macintyre's quote:

"Much, very much, has often to be accomplished in us before we are fitted to employ worthily the gifts we covet. And God effects this preparation of heart largely by delaying to grant our request at once, and so holding us in the truth of His presence until we are brought into a spiritual understanding of the will of Christ for us in this respect."

God's sovereignty amazes me. He must have been watching me run around like a madwoman, trying to set up, figure out, and play house like an adult. All the while, He knew exactly where Tyler was, what he was doing, and how he was going to meet me. Tyler interjected into my life at the most unexpected moment, the moment when I thought I had it figured out and under control.

When I finally saw Tyler exactly as he is, exactly how God had brought him into my life, it was a slap across the face. I realize now my idol may have been my desire for control over my family situation.

Of course, my dad later said the day he met Tyler, he knew Tyler would be very important to our family. Oh Dad, of course you knew and of course you didn't tell me because I would have run away from what you said at that point.

My marriage with Tyler has already proven to be a beautiful orchestration by God of right timing amidst hearts not even listening to the same song.


Kruger, Melissa. The Envy of Eve. Ross-shire, Scotland: Christian Focus Publications, 2012: 68.

Let's Be Honest - Wise Friends and Fake Friends

Most people believe they are wise. They trust their hearts will tell them the right answer and keep friends around who will confirm everything they say.

But wisdom is not listening to the heart or the soothing words of friends telling you exactly what you want to hear. And truly, most people are not wise.

As well as contemplating wisdom, I've also been thinking through the true meaning of friendship. Think about it. How often do our friends challenge something we're going to do? How often do they tell us it's unreasonable, unwise, or immature? For the most part, people won't say when they disagree, and we don't question why our friends never tell us we are wrong.

It's easy to say people who are like-minded are friends, so of course they agree. It's an easy out for a real problem. How often do you not completely agree with everything your friend says? No one is exactly the same. We are all unique. Which means, we have our own unique thoughts and make decisions in a unique way.

I've found myself being a bad friend. I've been unwise in how I've responded to friends who are making mistakes, and I usually do it because I'm afraid. It might be something small, like should I buy this extra pair of earrings?

Not a big deal. Right? They're just earrings.

But that same friend may have mentioned that she was trying to cut back on her budget for the next month. And obviously, a pair of earrings isn't much, but could be one of the things she didn't really "need" and could be sacrificed for the sake of a peaceful bank account.

Of course, my initial response is to forget all of that. To forget it all and say, "Sure. Those would look nice with your blue sweater."

But isn't practicing good friendship policies in small situations like this what really make a person a wise friend? I don't challenge my friends because I don't want the backlash of negative response, though who is to say she wouldn't tell me I'm right. But I never know if fear controls my response.

Our lives are really lived in the mundane. Very rarely do we have epic moments that define who we are, and very few of us will be remembered forever. So it's really in the moment-by-moment that our decisions matter.

Yes, this may sound depressing, but it's real life. And being a good friend, being an honest friend, in the mundane gives us the practice to, when faced with an epic moment, point out major life flaws. For instance, what should be done when a friend decides to up and marry someone she has only known for a month, someone who drinks like a fish and has no control over his words? When it's obviously a recipe for disaster and major life issues, it's absolutely essential to say something to this friend.

But if it's not practiced in the mundane, will it happen when it's a life changing event? Not for the fake friend, the friend who just wants to make everyone happy.

But for the wise friend, being honest, having a differing opinion is part of the every day. I have a few friends like this. I often hope to be as wise as them one day. Of course, my motivation for being wise is probably selfish (so other people will think of me as wise), but that is a discussion for another day.

Thank you wise friends for existing and loving the people around you well.