Let's Be Honest - Wise Friends and Fake Friends

Most people believe they are wise. They trust their hearts will tell them the right answer and keep friends around who will confirm everything they say.

But wisdom is not listening to the heart or the soothing words of friends telling you exactly what you want to hear. And truly, most people are not wise.

As well as contemplating wisdom, I've also been thinking through the true meaning of friendship. Think about it. How often do our friends challenge something we're going to do? How often do they tell us it's unreasonable, unwise, or immature? For the most part, people won't say when they disagree, and we don't question why our friends never tell us we are wrong.

It's easy to say people who are like-minded are friends, so of course they agree. It's an easy out for a real problem. How often do you not completely agree with everything your friend says? No one is exactly the same. We are all unique. Which means, we have our own unique thoughts and make decisions in a unique way.

I've found myself being a bad friend. I've been unwise in how I've responded to friends who are making mistakes, and I usually do it because I'm afraid. It might be something small, like should I buy this extra pair of earrings?

Not a big deal. Right? They're just earrings.

But that same friend may have mentioned that she was trying to cut back on her budget for the next month. And obviously, a pair of earrings isn't much, but could be one of the things she didn't really "need" and could be sacrificed for the sake of a peaceful bank account.

Of course, my initial response is to forget all of that. To forget it all and say, "Sure. Those would look nice with your blue sweater."

But isn't practicing good friendship policies in small situations like this what really make a person a wise friend? I don't challenge my friends because I don't want the backlash of negative response, though who is to say she wouldn't tell me I'm right. But I never know if fear controls my response.

Our lives are really lived in the mundane. Very rarely do we have epic moments that define who we are, and very few of us will be remembered forever. So it's really in the moment-by-moment that our decisions matter.

Yes, this may sound depressing, but it's real life. And being a good friend, being an honest friend, in the mundane gives us the practice to, when faced with an epic moment, point out major life flaws. For instance, what should be done when a friend decides to up and marry someone she has only known for a month, someone who drinks like a fish and has no control over his words? When it's obviously a recipe for disaster and major life issues, it's absolutely essential to say something to this friend.

But if it's not practiced in the mundane, will it happen when it's a life changing event? Not for the fake friend, the friend who just wants to make everyone happy.

But for the wise friend, being honest, having a differing opinion is part of the every day. I have a few friends like this. I often hope to be as wise as them one day. Of course, my motivation for being wise is probably selfish (so other people will think of me as wise), but that is a discussion for another day.

Thank you wise friends for existing and loving the people around you well.