Happy Christmas to All, and to all a Good Night!

It's Christmastime at the LaCross home, and Tyler and I made a film. Watch it, please! I hope everyone has a restful Christmas, full of joy and peace.

I'm hoping for some of this, and this.

craigslist - To buy or not?

My First craigslist Purchase

I'm a craigslist stalker. I will look at pets and houses for rent for hours, but when it comes to actually purchasing anything or contacting anyone, I have always stopped. Until this holiday season.

I decided, after browsing bikes all during June for Tyler's birthday, to actually go through with buying him a road bike for Christmas this year. I enlisted the help of our cyclist pastor at church, and he willingly helped me wade through the waves of road bikes available on craigslist.

After checking on Tyler's inseam size and such, we emailed back and forth about one bike. And then I took the plunge. I texted the girl who had it listed. And she responded. Ahhh!

I decided to meet her at a park near her house to check out the bike.

Tyler has more room in his trunk, so obviously I decided to use his car to go get the bike. But this particular day progressed like so:

Tyler: I think I'm going to drive today instead of walking.

FOILED!

Then I decided to get his spare keys, take them to his work, trade our cars out, get the bike, take his car back, trade them back, and go home.

But the spare keys weren't any place to be found.

I call him.

Me: Hey. It's no big deal, but I just noticed your spare car keys aren't hanging up where they're supposed to be. I'm on my way to work.

Tyler: Oh yeah. I think they're in the console of my car.

FOILED AGAIN!

Obviously, I'm not going to ask him for his keys to get his spare keys out of the car, so I can trade cars and go get him his surprise bike. So, I made do with my car.

Surprisingly, the interaction with the girl was painless. She was nice, I paid her, got the bike, it fit in my trunk, and I took it to an undisclosed location for storage until late December. Thanks to those friends.

I then get home, content that I've gotten my first Christmas present (and it wasn't even Thanksgiving yet). Later that night, Tyler and Ethan talk with our next door neighbor, who proceeds to give Tyler his old road bike because he got into an accident and won't be using it anymore.

FOILED 3X!

Is this real life?

Flash-forward to yesterday, December 20, when I gave Tyler a wrapped kickstand and reflector from his bike, which was sitting in the kitchen.

His first response: "You didn't get me a bike, did you (we already have 6 bikes)? This must be for my mountain bike (which is also kickstand-less)."

I smile a little too big.

Tyler: Where is it?

Melissa: In the kitchen...

Then we discover the girl put the front fork on backwards and the tire is also on backwards.

Thus ends the bike saga and my first experience with craigslist. Maybe I'll use it again in the future if I want all of my plans to be thwarted.

Christmas Seasonings

Image from Fresh Faces, UC Berkeley

My Christmas season has been hampered with by Flu Type A. So for the last few days, I've been lying in bed, sleeping, complaining about my back hurting, and watching Harry Potter Movies. My condition was made much better by Tamiflu, but my wallet hated parting with the money for it (insurance doesn't cover it!).

As I understand it, I'm one among many people who have been sick the last week. I think the whole city of Charlotte has been hit with it the last few days. I have a great sympathy for anyone who is starting to feel fever and chills or a stuffy nose.

Tyler has been a saint and deserves an award for making E's breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day and cleaning what he can. E discovered he actually liked picking out what goes into his lunch every day and may make it a habit in the new year. I guess he already has his resolution picked out. I certainly don't.

I made it through the first three Harry Potter movies. Everyone's suggestion has been correct: they definitely get better with each film. I've definitely enjoyed watching them, though they aren't very restful and definitely not the kind you can fall asleep during when you're feverish already.

As of yesterday, I'm finally feeling better! I can't wait to get back into the Christmas season and celebrate!

Stay away from sick people! Get your flu shot. It's not worth it.

Dear Self,

Dear Self,

You are a foolish woman.

You care more about comfort, self-esteem, and having control than about loving others until you give yourself away, giving up your preferences for others' sake, and making yourself less so He can be made more.

You allow your emotions to guide you. Never mind the fact they change so rapidly you question them yourself and most surely deny their wavering tendencies to others. You are rash with comments and judgments.

Whenever you think you don't have a problem with pride, you most certainly have a problem with pride.

You must remember, "We may think we aren't fools until we realize haughty eyes are walking into someone's home and taking pleasure because we have better taste in decor or because our outfit is more appropriate for the occasion" (Brownback 51).

Wake up! You don't have to be a fool. You've got the remedy. Use it! Live it! Jesus' life and Jesus himself point to the wise and selfless way to live. He is the true wisdom the world will only think of as silly - it's right in front of you. Grasp it, breathe it, and live it. It's the Christmas season for goodness sake!

There you go. You just need a reminder every now and then.

Love,
Your better self

Brownback, Lydia. A Woman's Wisdom. Wheaton, Illinois: Crossway, 2012. Print.

Whining over the Little Things

I'm often surprised at how much E whines over the little things. But when it comes to big boo-boos or life issues, he's amazingly silent. Those are the times when I really want him to tell me he's in pain or upset. I wish I could flip a switch for him to complain about those things and not the broccoli, the smaller piece of cake, the unfairness of life.

For instance, he recently visited a friend. After I picked him up from his play date, we ran three of four errands and then went home. About thirty minutes later, he came up to me and said, "Look at where I fell today." He pulled his shirt up to reveal a 3 inch scrape acros his back, crusty with cotton from his shirt stuck in the scab. Shock. Of course he didn't mention it to the friends' mom. He didn't cry.

Then last night we had another moment. We were with some friends and E started complaining about his back hurting. We sent him upstairs to go to bed after I rubbed it a little bit. Then later, I sent Tyler up to check on him. E then proceeded to tell Tyler he fell off the monkey bars while doing a back flip earlier that day. He fell from the 7-foot monkey bars onto his back. Of course, it was in mulch, but that doesn't lessen the pain completely. No, he didn't tell his teacher. Yes, he does have a bruise right next to his spine.

Seriously? These are the things I'd prefer E to mention to someone.

Let's Be Honest - We do well to simply wait for it.

I meant to write this post yesterday (or 2 days ago) but one thing led to another and then a German student stayed with us and we had a Christmas party, so I was a busy cleaner and chef. But the words are as true today as they were on December 11.

Tyler was not my type when we met. Let's be honest. We both thought the other was weird and would have never considered dating each other. It was the nose ring vs. the fauxhawk. I was the bohemian girl who wore crazy clothes, didn't eat meat, and had the kid, and he was the IT guy. He wore Sperry's and put product in his hair. Meanwhile, I considered dreads.

Tyler 2008

Melissa 2008

For so long, when E was a baby, and really even after I met Tyler, I coveted and so desired to have exactly what I have right now: a husband and family. And so, in all of my foolishness, I decided to go about trying to make it happen on my own. Of course, I believed I knew exactly what I needed and what type of person I needed to love E and me. I was vain and proud, seeking my own happiness and E's as well by looking for me a man. 

I dated a handful or more guys who, if honest, I knew we're not exactly what God had planned for the situation. Looking back, I did this for two reasons.
1. It was a momentary bandaid on my heart desiring and coveting what I didn't have at the moment.
2. When it didn't work out with these guys, I could get over it easily and move on, you know, self-protection.
Lydia Brownback's words come to mind. When wisdom isn't clear, "we do well to simply wait for it."

It may come as a surprise, but the handful of guys didn't make me feel better. In fact, after every guy I dated, I felt emptier than I had previously felt and more and more hopeless that I would ever get married (Yes, I was young. I do not pretend I spent a large part of my adult life single. I do not know what that longing is like. I do know what it is like to have a child and long for a husband though.).

Disclaimer. Not all the guys I met were awful. Some were really great and will be or are wonderful husbands, but they were not what was planned for me. And even when what God planned for me came into view, I initially rejected it.

Even after Tyler and I became friends and it was obvious there was some kind of attraction between us, I kept trying to reject what God had for me. I knew exactly how it was to play out. Tyler realized before I did and patiently and persistently pursued me, desiring God's best for me and loving me every step of the way.

It took me so long to rest in the truth of the last 1.5 years. I'm daily reminded of how much I do not deserve Tyler and how much God brought me through in order to prepare me for marriage to him. I was reminded of this because of a quote from David Macintyre I found in Melissa Kruger's book, The Envy Of Eve. I know, I'm cringing at the idea of not using an original source, but I had to give Melissa K. props for her book because its amazing and challenging and frustrating and liberating all rolled into one. Here is David Macintyre's quote:

"Much, very much, has often to be accomplished in us before we are fitted to employ worthily the gifts we covet. And God effects this preparation of heart largely by delaying to grant our request at once, and so holding us in the truth of His presence until we are brought into a spiritual understanding of the will of Christ for us in this respect."

God's sovereignty amazes me. He must have been watching me run around like a madwoman, trying to set up, figure out, and play house like an adult. All the while, He knew exactly where Tyler was, what he was doing, and how he was going to meet me. Tyler interjected into my life at the most unexpected moment, the moment when I thought I had it figured out and under control.

When I finally saw Tyler exactly as he is, exactly how God had brought him into my life, it was a slap across the face. I realize now my idol may have been my desire for control over my family situation.

Of course, my dad later said the day he met Tyler, he knew Tyler would be very important to our family. Oh Dad, of course you knew and of course you didn't tell me because I would have run away from what you said at that point.

My marriage with Tyler has already proven to be a beautiful orchestration by God of right timing amidst hearts not even listening to the same song.


Kruger, Melissa. The Envy of Eve. Ross-shire, Scotland: Christian Focus Publications, 2012: 68.

Adult Conversations

When your sister calls and says, "Hey. I'm in Target looking for that snowflake doormat. Where is it located?"

You reply, "It's in the non-Christmas doormat section in home goods. It's purple with snowflakes."

She says a few moments later, "Oh. Does it have red, green, and white snowflakes on it?"

You say, "Yes. Lots of them."

She says, "Ok. I found it. I've got to go buy this and run back to work. I'll talk to you later."

Then you hang up, knowing you're getting exactly what you asked her for this Christmas.

Butch's Girl

A Man and His Dog - Photo by Tyler

This is my dad, Butch Turner. He's pretty much one of my favorite people in life. He's also one of the most interesting people I've ever met, but you would never know it from his demeanor.

He's quiet, doesn't offer extraneous information unless asked, and when he opens his mouth, either something really funny or profound comes out. He's kind of like Solomon (minus the 700 wives) because he expresses wisdom in much of what he says and does. He's exact, to the point, and slow to speak.

One of the things you should do if ever in a conversation with my dad is ask if he will tell you a story. He experienced some weird and random life occurrences. If I could, I would sit down with my father and ask him to tell me every interesting thing that's ever happened to him. I would write a book of his life, possibly entitled The Epic Life of a Middle-Class White-Boy Born in the Rural South during the 50's.  An interesting fact: My dad has had several experiences with lightning throughout his life. He may not be the best person to be around during a storm.

Of the few people in the world who can truly make me cry, the heartbreaking kind, my dad is at the top of the list. For most of my life, if he just fussed at me for something, even without losing his temper, I would immediately dissolve into a puddle of uncontrollable tears. I'd always thought it was because I was a cryer, but I'm not. I only cry a couple of times a year at the most. It's just my dad. I want his approval and hate disappointing him.

Another interesting fact: My father loves a baby. He may be quiet around adults and other people, but put a baby in his lap, and you will see a side of Butch Turner you've never seen. He will play games, sing songs, make faces, and laugh. He loves children and has been an amazing grandfather to E. Because we lived with my parents for almost six years, my dad and E have an amazing bond that makes my heart so joyful.

I am so stupid.

Really. I am so stupid. For that matter, I can say I am really stupid, which is probably more accurate.

I've been reading through the Proverbs (there are so many of them). I tackle a few a day. But the other day I came across Proverbs 12:1 - "He who hates reproof is stupid."

Immediately I sucked in through my teeth, making that annoying whistling-sucking sound. I hate reproof. I hate being told I'm just a hint of wrong. The last year and a half of marriage has certainly shown me this, among other bits of sin and darkness I create in my life.

When rebuked, or reproofed, or even just asked why I made a bad decision, I may argue back until I am blue in the face. I may come up with some way, reason, or circumstance to base my justification on, trying to prove that I was right.  Even if I admit I'm wrong, I often lie to myself and still believe that I was right. I only admitted to it to end the argument, so I'm obviously the better person in the situation.

I'm sure Tyler is laughing uncontrollably at the office while reading this. That or running around in circles yelling, "Vindication!"

It sounds absolutely crazy, but the idea of being wrong horribly scares me. I build a wall of all the things I love to be right about, so I don't have to face how wrong and bad and awful I am on a regular basis. Of course, I am often reminded of my badness because the wall I create isn't real. I like to think it's real around me, but everyone else just sees right through it.

I also read a few other Proverbs which remind me of the way I respond to others, particularly Tyler.

"Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a nasty temper exalts folly."
(Just great, Melissa).

"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

These words of wisdom expose my true colors. I love a good argument. I think graduate school taught me how to prove my point too well. Even if it's really not the ultimate right answer, and I know it, I am really good at making my side sound like it might be perfect.

But ultimately, reproof is a good thing. I need a humbleness of spirit and not pride. When I was a child, I remember my mom always saying, "The pride cometh before the fall." Wise woman.

I'm reminded of The Avett Brothers, and their song:

"When at first I learned to speak, I used all my words to fight with him and her and you and me. But it's just a waste of time. It's such a waste of time."

Out in the Country - Part 1

Bonfire Prep.

Papa and his Tractor

My dad

Tyler and Dad - Photo by E

Driving

To Build a Fire

Tractor

E and Papa - Best Friends

Over Thanksgiving, we went to visit my parents out at The Farm. Looking back over the pictures, it was really a time of relaxation with my parents. Tyler and E helped my dad build a fire and played out in the yard. My mom and I cooked for Thanksgiving dinner. I really appreciate the setting of my parents' house lately. It's calm, quiet, and away from the city, a refuge from Charlotte and much needed every now and then.

Let's Be Honest - Adventure Shoes

Adventure Shoes

Imagine me, 10-years-old, sitting on the bed at my grandmother's house, surrounded by all of her old gadgets, books, and nostalgia from many trips abroad. I'm writing, speculating, pretending I'm on an adventure. Of course, in my imagination I'm twenty or twenty-three, independent but not old. I imagine the storyline of some book or two I've been reading. I am free to travel whenever, wherever I want. I am intelligent and can solve mysteries and quarries between people. My adventure begins in the woods, in a setting much like the woods in this music video. I spend most of my time outdoors and reside in a cute little loft or cottage, which is always clean and well-stocked with food. My independence allows me to be free to roam. I see myself alone, capable and the only decision maker. I have no friends but only because I don't want them. I am in complete control.

Fast forward 15 years. I am here right now, sitting alone in my unkempt house, only half-decorated for Christmas. I am imagining, speculating, pretending. I'm writing an adventure I remember from my snap-shot memory. My childhood comes back to haunt and play with me. I'm captured by memories of sitting by the river, my toes in the cold water, flying down hills on a bike without any regard to my brakes. I flicker back and forth between Christmases and birthday parties, friends and travel with my parents. I thrive on muddy shoes, wet hair, and early morning hours. My hands bear marks of assignments and phone numbers in colored ink. I hope for macaroni and cheese for dinner each night and scoff at broccoli and spinach. My adventure shoes carry me places I now, as an adult, am no longer permitted to go. 

I imagine:
15-years in the future, I am the mother of a brood, owner of a chaotic, but friendly house. I find peace in quiet, sunlight across the hardwood floors, a cup of coffee, and a few moments of unabashed girl-talk with a heart friend. I balance my housework with writing. I write about my glory days, back when I was young and newly married, before I had a house, a mortgage, a large group of children constantly hungry. I write about the time when I was able to invest time in myself, my looks, my hobbies. I had time for the self, or much more than I now have. I write about the long weekend holiday getaways. I'm nostalgic about the couples I see, walking down the street still holding hands (though I'm entirely tempted to run them over with my car). I'm nostalgic when I see people moving into townhouses with their wedding gifts in tow, couples beginning the adventure of setting up house together, learning to fight and to forgive, to hold their tongues and to speak calmly.

Why do we always find the adventure in others' lives and our memories or future goals when we have moments to experience right now?

My adventure shoes, and my two favorite companions, are waiting for me right now. My end goal? Who knows, but we will adventure together.

I don't agree with this completely, but i do think we get caught up in the "end goal."

Let's Look Each Other in the Face

1st Anniversary - June 11, 2012

Many days can go by without me looking Tyler in the face. Oh sure, I glance at him. I watch him talk and interact with other people. I see his smiles, furrowed brows, puzzling tilt of the head, chuckles, and fear.

But sometimes this isn't enough. I have to stop Tyler while he's washing dishes or editing photos. I must pause Netflix and just look him in the eye. I need to put my face close enough to see the flecks of color, the true state of the soul. It's so easy to merely coexist and kind of be excited for someone's joy, but I need to feel the same emotions, the same moments, the same elements of life my husband experiences.

We do this not only with the people we love, but with everyone else we encounter. So rarely do we take the step to look at someone's heart, to look in their eyes, probably because it scares us that we will open up our hearts to pain and rejection if we chance to care. It's just easy to keep going.

Recently, I had a conversation with a great friend. I said, "Hey. How are you?"

She said, "I'm really kind of tired and frustrated."

I said, "Good."

She did a double-take, and I realized I wasn't even listening to what she said. And I really count her as one of my true friends. Of course, there were 15 other people in the house creating quite a ruckus, but I still didn't look her in the face, listen, discern, understand what and how she was experiencing life. I'm so thankful she is understanding of my short-comings.

Let's look each other in the face. Let's care about how another's soul feels, the state it's in, the pains, and murmurings of the heart. We may have to risk being hurt, but we experience so much more joy together even amidst any pain. Like the Jack Johnson (am I really quoting him?) lyrics say, "it's always better when we're together." Togetherness makes for more joy in life.

Obsessed with this song.

Some Jingle Bells for everyone's holiday season.