Tyler was not my type when we met. Let's be honest. We both thought the other was weird and would have never considered dating each other. It was the nose ring vs. the fauxhawk. I was the bohemian girl who wore crazy clothes, didn't eat meat, and had the kid, and he was the IT guy. He wore Sperry's and put product in his hair. Meanwhile, I considered dreads.
 |
| Tyler 2008 |
 |
| Melissa 2008 |
I dated a handful or more guys who, if honest, I knew we're not exactly what God had planned for the situation. Looking back, I did this for two reasons.
1. It was a momentary bandaid on my heart desiring and coveting what I didn't have at the moment.
2. When it didn't work out with these guys, I could get over it easily and move on, you know, self-protection.
Lydia Brownback's words come to mind. When wisdom isn't clear, "we do well to simply wait for it."
It may come as a surprise, but the handful of guys didn't make me feel better. In fact, after every guy I dated, I felt emptier than I had previously felt and more and more hopeless that I would ever get married (Yes, I was young. I do not pretend I spent a large part of my adult life single. I do not know what that longing is like. I do know what it is like to have a child and long for a husband though.).
Disclaimer. Not all the guys I met were awful. Some were really great and will be or are wonderful husbands, but they were not what was planned for me. And even when what God planned for me came into view, I initially rejected it.
1. It was a momentary bandaid on my heart desiring and coveting what I didn't have at the moment.
2. When it didn't work out with these guys, I could get over it easily and move on, you know, self-protection.
Lydia Brownback's words come to mind. When wisdom isn't clear, "we do well to simply wait for it."
It may come as a surprise, but the handful of guys didn't make me feel better. In fact, after every guy I dated, I felt emptier than I had previously felt and more and more hopeless that I would ever get married (Yes, I was young. I do not pretend I spent a large part of my adult life single. I do not know what that longing is like. I do know what it is like to have a child and long for a husband though.).
Disclaimer. Not all the guys I met were awful. Some were really great and will be or are wonderful husbands, but they were not what was planned for me. And even when what God planned for me came into view, I initially rejected it.
Even after Tyler and I became friends and it was obvious there was some kind of attraction between us, I kept trying to reject what God had for me. I knew exactly how it was to play out. Tyler realized before I did and patiently and persistently pursued me, desiring God's best for me and loving me every step of the way.
It took me so long to rest in the truth of the last 1.5 years. I'm daily reminded of how much I do not deserve Tyler and how much God brought me through in order to prepare me for marriage to him. I was reminded of this because of a quote from David Macintyre I found in Melissa Kruger's book, The Envy Of Eve. I know, I'm cringing at the idea of not using an original source, but I had to give Melissa K. props for her book because its amazing and challenging and frustrating and liberating all rolled into one. Here is David Macintyre's quote:
"Much, very much, has often to be accomplished in us before we are fitted to employ worthily the gifts we covet. And God effects this preparation of heart largely by delaying to grant our request at once, and so holding us in the truth of His presence until we are brought into a spiritual understanding of the will of Christ for us in this respect."
God's sovereignty amazes me. He must have been watching me run around like a madwoman, trying to set up, figure out, and play house like an adult. All the while, He knew exactly where Tyler was, what he was doing, and how he was going to meet me. Tyler interjected into my life at the most unexpected moment, the moment when I thought I had it figured out and under control.
When I finally saw Tyler exactly as he is, exactly how God had brought him into my life, it was a slap across the face. I realize now my idol may have been my desire for control over my family situation.
Of course, my dad later said the day he met Tyler, he knew Tyler would be very important to our family. Oh Dad, of course you knew and of course you didn't tell me because I would have run away from what you said at that point.
My marriage with Tyler has already proven to be a beautiful orchestration by God of right timing amidst hearts not even listening to the same song.
Kruger, Melissa. The Envy of Eve. Ross-shire, Scotland: Christian Focus Publications, 2012: 68.
"Much, very much, has often to be accomplished in us before we are fitted to employ worthily the gifts we covet. And God effects this preparation of heart largely by delaying to grant our request at once, and so holding us in the truth of His presence until we are brought into a spiritual understanding of the will of Christ for us in this respect."
God's sovereignty amazes me. He must have been watching me run around like a madwoman, trying to set up, figure out, and play house like an adult. All the while, He knew exactly where Tyler was, what he was doing, and how he was going to meet me. Tyler interjected into my life at the most unexpected moment, the moment when I thought I had it figured out and under control.
When I finally saw Tyler exactly as he is, exactly how God had brought him into my life, it was a slap across the face. I realize now my idol may have been my desire for control over my family situation.
Of course, my dad later said the day he met Tyler, he knew Tyler would be very important to our family. Oh Dad, of course you knew and of course you didn't tell me because I would have run away from what you said at that point.
My marriage with Tyler has already proven to be a beautiful orchestration by God of right timing amidst hearts not even listening to the same song.
Kruger, Melissa. The Envy of Eve. Ross-shire, Scotland: Christian Focus Publications, 2012: 68.
No comments:
Post a Comment