It's a Baby Moustache!

This month, I had the privilege of helping throw a shower for my lovely friend, Katy, who is expecting a baby in early January 2013. Another friend, Jenni, had the idea to throw a moustache-themed party for Katy's new little boy. I think the idea stemmed from some amazing moustache invitations Jenni found on Etsy. We ordered those invites, but used Orange and Blue as our colors because Katy and Cody are decorating the baby's nursery in those colors.

Inevitably, the whole party followed the same theme. Thankfully, there were five of us throwing the shower, so we were able to do more food and decor for the shower than we would have with less people. I took some pictures of the things we made. *Disclaimer - It was dark in the house, and the pictures are not amazing quality. I need to get a real camera or stow my husband in my pocket at all times.*

Made by a Johnson and Wales Student - Tootsie Roll 'staches

Yum. - Moustache Food Labels

Bunting

Diaper Guessing Game

Balloons

Gifts and a Moustache Bunting

I am so thankful for this time of celebration with Katy. I cannot wait until that little boy is here in January.

Amazing Mom

Mom.

I've finally gotten to the place where I really appreciate my parents. Everyone always tells kids they'll appreciate and understand their parents one day. Typical of any child, I didn't believe what I heard. But I guess about the time we start turning into our parents, we also start appreciating and loving certain things we used to puzzle over. Ironic and scary.

I love my mom. She seems very quiet when you first meet her, especially in large groups, but don't let her fool you. If you get her one-on-one or in groups of people she knows well, she will speak her mind. I would even suggest to call her a "firecracker." I mean really, look at that sassy look on her face above.

I remember the first time I saw her teaching. She taught at the high school I attended, and I was walking through the hall to take something to another teacher. I looked through the window and watched her for a few minutes. I really couldn't figure out who she was. The woman teaching so little resembled the woman I knew in groups of people. Obviously, in a classroom, she is comfortable and supposedly in charge, so her attitude is much different than in a public arena. I was so confused though, as I watched her quick, witty sarcasm and joking permeate throughout the room. I had never seen that side of her before. 

My mom is great at being crafty. She quilts, sews, knits, crochets, cross-stitches, and paints. She even used to do underwater basket-weaving when I was a kid. It's pretty impressive. I like to think I got some of her creative genes (but my dad is pretty creative in his own way, so I'm sure between the two of them, I've got it covered). 

I'm particularly thankful for my mom this year because of how encouraging she is about E. She always sends me new and inventive ways to encourage E in schoolwork and by praying for him. My mother is a prayer warrior. I do not know the countless hours of her life she has dedicated to praying with and for my dad, sister, and myself. She prays for E, his future wife (what?!?) and Tyler as well. It's so encouraging to know she daily thinks of us and my other family members, too.

Out in the Country - Part 2

Aren't we close to being done with Thanksgiving pictures? No.

Post Thanksgiving Breakfast

Noni's Kitchen

Love this face and this place

The shed

Look what we found!

Noni's House

Favorite Room

Where we got hitched!

Lift Off

Found Objects

We visited Tyler's grandmother, Noni, in Lamar last week after a lovely vegetable quiche Tyler's mom made. Every time we visit Lamar, it reminds me of my wedding day, when I walked down beneath the giant oak tree and vowed to love Tyler forever. Yes, this is mushy. Moving on.

This particular visit was much different than my wedding day. I took a long nap on Noni's couch (most certainly didn't happen during the wedding) and I made cookies with Noni. Tyler, E, and Tyler's dad shot off rockets. The rockets did resemble the fireworks from June 11, 2011, but they thankfully did not explode in the sky, but parachuted back down to safety. 

It was a great day of rest and relaxation in the country. We found Tyler and his brother's old go-kart in the shed. It needs some work, but we're crossing our fingers it will get fixed soon. Then we won't be able to stop E if we try.

Just a little comedic extra for your day...

Thanks, Faith! I had to post this. I just love how tween girls are thwarted in trying to be cool. Don't look at the comments — It's the 21st century, people!

How students feel about grades.

Facebook Stress

I would be absolutely terrified. This is so not funny, but kind of funny!

Food, Family, Craziness

With Tyler's Momma, Pam

Pam, Me, Aunt Tammy, and Aunt Jan

Mom's Macaroni and Cheese

Green Bean Salad

I don't have tons of pictures from Thanksgiving Day. Though I didn't vocalize it, I definitely had hopes of showing off tons of pictures like this blog, or this one — didn't happen. Not only did I not take pictures of everything we ate, I also only got a few pictures of family and decorations. I think most of this was because our trip to visit family in Florence, SC was such a whirlwind of events.

Since both families are in the same town, we maneuvered back and forth between them. We visited with my parents on Wednesday afternoon, Thursday, Tyler and his brother went duck hunting, and we did a joint Thanksgiving meal with some extended family on Tyler's side. My parents were there as well. My mom brought her amazing macaroni and cheese, and I helped Tyler's mom make green bean salad, recipe via Jamie Deen. Both were amazing. Thursday night we had the annual Flower's family watching of Christmas Vacation. It's a pretty crazy time, but lots of fun. Friday we got to see my sister and parents, and Saturday we went to the Hicks family reunion. After all of this, we finally headed back home, to Charlotte. I'll post more about life in the country soon.

Family Heirloom Macaroni and Cheese

As silly as it sounds, this macaroni and cheese is kind of a family heirloom in the Turner clan. My Dad's mom made it and then taught my mother to make it after my parents got married. I love it. Seriously. The day after Thanksgiving, we had pizza for dinner. I only had one slice so I could have some macaroni and cheese on the side. My dad makes fun of how much I love it.

Turner Macaroni and Cheese

- 1 box large elbow macaroni (yes, size does matter)

- 4 cups shredded sharp cheddar cheese (buying the block and grating it yourself tastes better)

- Milk

- 1 egg

- Salt and Pepper 

1. Boil the box of macaroni in salted water until they are al dente. 

2. Spray a casserole dish with cooking spray. 

3. Create layers of noodles and cheese (3 layers of noodles, 3 of cheese). 

4. Make sure the top layer of cheese completely covers the noodles.

5. Mix the egg, salt, pepper, and one cup of milk, then pour over the macaroni and cheese.

6. Pour more milk into the casserole dish until you can see milk when you move aside the cheese on top with a spoon.

7. Bake at 350 for 45 minutes or until the cheese browns and the noodles are not sitting in milk.

8. Let cool and serve*.

*You can serve the mac and cheese immediately. However, I prefer 1-day-old mac and cheese. This year my mom made it on Wednesday, and it was perfect reheated on Thursday. I think the extra 24 hours gives all of the ingredients time to mix and mingle and taste amazing.

Lincoln - The Aftermath

We went and saw Lincoln, the movie, yesterday afternoon (Many thanks to the Vaughn family for hosting E while we were at the show). I'd heard mixed comments on the movie. Mostly everyone said it was fantastic and pretty historically accurate.

However, most of my friends had not seen the movie, so I wasn't sure what to expect.

I loved it. The lighting was spectacular and Spielberg's use of windows, mirrors, and shrouded images were epic throughout. I reminded me of Jacques Lacan's idea of the "Mirror Stage," where we see images of ourselves outside of our inner beings in a mirror. I felt like this idea connected to Lincoln because of how we view history, presidents, and truth in history. In reality, we only see a reflection of the actual Lincoln, the actual president, in history books, in movies, and in stories. The same as a mirror. When we see ourselves in the mirror, we only see a picture, an inverted one at that, of what and who we really are. Ok, enough philosophy. I liked the mirrors. The end.

Lincoln

Tyler

Lincoln and Tyler. Can you tell the difference? Tait, Leigh, and I thought Tyler's mane was starting to resemble Honest Abe's because he hasn't gotten a haircut in such a while. This will soon be remedied, though I may have my very own Abraham Lincoln when we're 75. 

I think the most frightening thing about the Lincoln movie was the aftermath. In typical Tyler fashion, he's suddenly hooked and he can't stop starin', but in a completely different way. It's like his Mt. Everest expedition he took earlier this year. He didn't climb the mountain (he's never really climbed a big mountain), but he adventured through all things Everest —books, movies, documentaries, articles, memoirs, novels — you name it, he probably looked it up or read about it. 

Now, instead of an Everest kick, he's on a Abraham Lincoln kick. I do believe he's watched interviews about the making of the film, the historical accuracy of the film, and even started a book analyzing his presidency, including secondary and primary sources. I think we're going to have many nights that look like this:

Tyler and his Computer

The non-frightening thing about the aftermath of Lincoln? Tyler is actually reading. When he's interested in something, he will read for hours and hours about a topic. Hope for the future! If you haven't seen Lincoln, it's worth the money (says the woman who attended a matinee at Cinebarre and rarely sees movies in the theater). 

Jennifer

Thanksgiving 2012

Have I ever told you about my lovely sister, Jennifer? She's the older sister, much more patient and loving sister, and she was graced with long, slender legs. I call her "Jen" now but used to only call her "Sissy." She called me "Misk" circa 1990. Sometimes we still bust that one out.

Jen and her husband, Darren, live in Winston-Salem with their daughter. Before last week, I was sworn to secrecy, but they are expecting their 2nd baby in April 2013. They find out in just a week about the gender! I am so excited to be an aunt of two. She barely looks pregnant, too.

I think this is the place where I'd insert all of the fun, charming, witty, dazzling things we do together. But in reality, Jen and I just live life together and that is what I'm thankful for about her.

Life doesn't have to be grand, unique, and extra special for us to enjoy it. I think at our last get together, our "excursion" was to the new Trader Joe's in Winston. In this season of life, kids and everything, it's fun to just do life together and love each other in that place.

Jennifer is one of my favorites and while we don't look like sisters, I'm thankful we get to learn and grow with and from each other.

Classic Eyes Shut Pose

Craft Night - Paper Bag Flowers

When Kristin and I decided on a craft night a week ago, I sat down to figure out what to make. I had plenty of ideas but didn't want to run out and spend a ton of money for this particular one.

I found this fun, crafty idea on Pinterest. Then I discovered all it took were brown paper bags and hot glue. Sign me up! We already had both at our house, and I was set for a fun night of crafting.

The flowers were really simple to make. The tutorial linked above gives good instructions, but I found it was fun to play with the number of petals I put on the flowers. I also put little buds in the middle of each of my flowers instead of leaving them blank. The blog suggests hanging them on the wall with putty, but I hot glued on a little piece of twine to the back of each as a hanger.

I ended up making six and gave my sister two when we visited last weekend.

Kristin and I also decided they would be fun to make with white paper bags for her wedding next August. We may be having another craft night for some white flowers before next August.

Favorites

A gift for Jen

Small, Medium, and Large Flowers

The first Flower

Sweet Thanksgiving Breakfast

This morning's breakfast met all of my expectations. Tyler and I sat down after he got back from duck hunting with his brother, and we ate pumpkin bread and apple crumb cake. The pumpkin bread came from my Mom's friend's store, Green Acres. The apple crumb cake she made yesterday. It was a perfect start to a great day with family and food.

Hope you all are having a day full of blessing, yummy food, and better fellowship.

A Week Without Sweets

Yum.

It has been over a week since I've had dessert, and I'm itching for some. I've been doing a fast from sweets until Thanksgiving Day, but I definitely will enjoy a piece of pumpkin pie on the best day for pumpkin pies of the year. However, since last Sunday, Nov. 11, I have not indulged, even when my husband brought home Swiss Cake Rolls.

When I walked in to see those Cake Rolls on the counter, I was instantly offended. How could he possibly bring home something sweet when he knows I'm fasting from them? Of course, I then realized it's not really a fast when there are no opportunities to say no. It's just going without. A real fast is when the yummy thing you so desire is right in front of you and you still say no. Obviously, I didn't go to Amelie's or Menchie's this past week. It would have been too tempting (flee from temptation, right?), but I did resist Swiss Cake Rolls, Eggnog Cake (it looked amazing, Katy), Ethan's Halloween Candy bucket, and a sweet Reindeer Cookie a little boy I sometimes watch made and offered me today. I felt so bad telling him no but wanted to stick to my guns. I've only got 36 hours left.

This sounds quite silly in the giant spectrum of life, but I love sweets. I could give up salty foods and eat sweets all day long. It's definitely been a week of reminding myself of truth, namely that sweets do not provide lasting comfort to my soul, but only give a momentary glimpse of deliciousness and then land on my thighs.

Look for a piece of something sweet and delicious on my blog either for breakfast or lunch time on Thursday. I cannot wait to see what it will be. But for now, I will dwell on these words from The Valley of Vision:

"Thou hast shown me that
the sensible effusion of divine love in the soul
are superior to and distinct from bodily health,
and that oft-times spiritual comforts are at their highest
when physical well-being is at its lowest." (157)

Let's Be Honest - Thanksgiving

A Cozy Thanksgiving

As the Thanksgiving week jolts into full swing, I'm constantly reminded of everything going on this week. There are the Black Friday sales and emails, food preparation for engorging ourselves on all our favorite comfort foods, family traveling, everyone congregating, memories of past Thanksgivings and the loss of gain or loved ones, Christmas music on the radio, and even the purchase and decoration of a Christmas tree. It's overwhelming to all of our senses if we really stop and think about it.

All of this stuff is definitely part of the season, but I'd hate for it to ruin what I really think, believe, and cherish about Thanksgiving. In all the festivities and preparation (and with Christmas taking over already), I'm so tempted to forget what I'm thankful for each year.  I know a lot of people are doing that Every Day of November Thankfulness thing on Facebook, but I decided against it for a few reasons:

1. I didn't know about it in time
2. I don't want to come up with something just to fulfill the number slot
3. I'll forget.

Instead, I've decided to focus on particular relationships this holiday season. I have so many family members I love but never take the time to get to know. I know that sounds awful and it really is awful. But don't we just do a lot of things alongside our family during Thanksgiving, playing housekeeper and guest, and only focus on the meal being eaten rather than the people around the table?

My goal is to contemplate on the people God has given me, cultivate deep conversations, and pray that all of the food gets cooked on time. You know the whole Mary/Martha thing? I'm definitely a Martha, always doing, doing, doing. I'm preparing, cleaning, trying to be a good housekeeper during holiday seasons and festivities. This year, I want to be Mary and enjoy all of the people and relationships in my life and help cook as well. I just don't want to miss our on my blessings on the one day when we're supposed to really celebrate them.

I'm reminded of Abraham Lincoln's famous Thanksgiving proclamation(p.s. I'm hoping to go see the movie this weekend!):

The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God. In the midst of a civil war of unequaled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign States to invite and to provoke their aggression, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere except in the theatre of military conflict; while that theatre has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union. Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defence, have not arrested the plough, the shuttle or the ship; the axe has enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore. Population has steadily increased, notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege and the battle-field; and the country, rejoicing in the consiousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years with large increase of freedom. No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy. It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and one voice by the whole American People. I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity and Union. 

I also usually don't share stuff like this, but I hate Black Friday and cannot stand shopping frenzies. This really encapsulates how I feel about that day (and yes, I know why they call it Black Friday. Do you?):

A Photo Shoot with Family

This past weekend, Tyler, E, and I loaded up and headed to Winston-Salem to visit my sister and her beautiful family.

I took many photos, which will not be featured today. I'm feeling a picture post coming on, which will surely exhibit some of the beauty of Old Salem and our time in Winston.

One of the goals for this trip was to repay Jen and Darren back for paying for our tickets to Brewgrass. We did a little swap. Free tickets to Brewgrass in exchange for Tyler's photography services for little Lee Bee. I think we got the better end of the deal.

We decided to take Lee Bee down to Old Salem because of Christmas decor and great scenery.  Lee Bee is not quite to the posing stage of life, yet. I do believe if we asked her to pose, she would run in the opposite direction. Tyler's method for this photo shoot was, "let her run around and play, and I will get the pictures."

We started off the photo shoot with an extra Christmas hat on and a juice bottle in hand. However, we ended it with lots of playing and Lee Bee warming up to the camera sans juice and hat. Below, I've included a *few* sneak peaks of her. I made sure not to include any of the most spectacular ones, because I don't want to ruin Jen and Darren's Christmas Card. I will post more of them later.

I'm truly amazed at how Tyler captures images so well. Getting the image is dirty work. By the time we left, he was covered in leaves and dirt, had grass stains on his jeans, and had lost his keys twice. I'm thankful we found them and made it home.

E also stood in as Tyler's photographer's assistant. I did nothing but carry around the camera bag and take pictures with my phone.

E, the Photographer

Checking The Shots

Lee Bee, Playing Chase

Christmas Hat and Juice in Hand

Me, Sunset

Photo of Tyler by E

A Book Nerd's Season

Guys, am I really trying to emulate my graduate school days? Look at this pile of books. I'm really trying to read them all at once. When I finally have a few moments to sit down, I think I spend more time deciding which book to read than the time I actually have to read the book. It's getting a little out of hand over here.

The truth is, I no longer go to bookstores anymore because I'm unable to say no to the printed word. I look at a book, smell the fresh inked pages, and desire to take it home in my bag. I want to curl up, snuggle down, and absorb every word in between each cover. The winter season is especially conducive to reading with all of the apple cider, hot tea, and coffee. It's a book worm's paradise.

So I have a moral dilemma. Do I deny myself all books or do I just indulge and buy them? I haven't found the medium-ground in there. I would have thought graduate school would have snuffed out my desire for a word or two. Nope.

The iPod Mini The Could

The Infamous and Survivor iPod.

Yesterday, I decided to go to Starbucks to grade papers for my English 111 class.

I wanted to take some music so I could block out all the conversations I inevitably listen to when in a large crowd of people engaged in relationship and community. I really love going to Starbucks or a coffee shop for this reason. However, at this particular moment, I needed peace and music to grade.

So I went on a search for E's iPod mini for some help. But I couldn't find it in his room. I couldn't find it in his travel bag. I couldn't find it downstairs lying in wait.

Then I remembered. Yes, E had taken his iPod outside during playtime on Tuesday. It was Thursday. It rained all night Wednesday night.

As I walked outside, I knew what I would find. Sure enough, in the grass underneath his favorite climbing tree was the iPod. It was covered in water, not submerged, but definitely wet.

I scooped it up and followed a tried and true method to save electronics: submerge them in rice. I'm actually not sure if this is the best way to save them, but I've heard it from a friend or two. Then I left it, but only for a few hours.

I figured E would learn his lesson about taking care of his nice things. I figured he'd have to save up to buy a new iPod for himself. But, without a doubt, it still works. The ear buds and iPod are completely fine.

48-hours outside. A night-long rainstorm. It's a-ok! If you were thinking about buying an iPod mini, it may be a good investment, especially if you tend to leave things in unsafe places.

Have a great weekend everybody.

For all your engaged girls out there, chickens with bowties is the new rage (Is this real life?).

Trying to decide between the three of these recipes for what to make for Thanksgiving morning...poll?
Pull-Apart Cinnamon Sugar Pumpkin Bread with Buttered Rum Glaze
Pumpkin Poppers
Pumpkin & Cream Bread

Fun Christmas Craft Ideas - Holiday Light Boxes and Tablescapes

Cheese

A Cheese Bouquet

Dill Havarti is the reason I cannot go vegan.

I love it on crackers, on melba toast, melted, rolled up in a wrap, on a sandwich, baked, fried...ok, not fried. But I seriously enjoy Dill Havarti and all cheese for that matter.

I'm definitely a traditional "wine and cheese" girl, but it doesn't stop there. No, I can plow through a block, or maybe half a block, of cheese with crackers for lunch. Just now, I am enjoying some leftover cheese with toast and crackers for lunch. I'm going to have to throw together a salad and fruit to redeem myself.

After E had to go non-dairy because of lactose issues, I lost my taste for milk. But, I have never lost my love for cheese. I do not know why, but it is one of the few things I actually crave.

I will always have cheese on a veggie burger.

I am pacified by my mom's macaroni and cheese. It's my favorite "comfort food." It's good for my thighs I don't live with her anymore.

Cheese is a perfect part of almost any meal. If you can't put it on top of something, at least have a few bite-sized pieces to the side.

Cheese must be real. I don't do pre-sliced cheese. I don't really do Velveeta anymore, though if someone else cooks it, I will eat it.

If you offer me cheese, I will probably take you up on it.

I always get cheese samples when we go to Harris Teeter. The other day, I told E to go get my sample for me. He came back sad that the box was empty, but offered me a piece of orange instead. I declined. It just wasn't the same as a good piece of cheese.

I do not discriminate in cheese type. I like moldy cheese as well as non-moldy, as long as the mold is supposed to be there. I like holes in my cheese as well as non-holy cheese. I like soft and hard cheeses, including parmesan and brie.

I mourn the fact I will not be a vegan, but only briefly, because I have to stop and go eat some cheese.

Let's Be Honest - Hard Situations & Pity/Pride

2006

The last nine years of my life haven't been easy, by any stretch of the imagination. Three months after I graduated from high school, I had E. The day I had E, I started classes at a local college. Four years after I had E, I graduated from Francis Marion University. Then, after a stint as a butcher shop worker, I moved E out of our comfort zone. We moved 3.5 hours away from my parents and lived on our own in a tiny little place in Clemson, South Carolina. Two years later, I graduated from graduate school with a Master's degree in English. One month later, Tyler and I got married, and E and I once again moved, but to a new city, state, and family.

I don't say all of this to build myself up. I say it to explain what I'm learning about the last nine years. I try and live in my own strength. Growing up, our family motto was from 2 Thessalonians 3:10b — "If you don't work, you don't eat." Well, the actual verse is, "If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat," but my dad always referenced it the first way. I agree with this statement, but in some ways, I made it my mantra to get through life. I took a good thing and made it an idol.

I've always been able to scrape through these situations, or so I tell myself. I'd tell myself I've been strong through our house burning down, I've been strong through being a pregnant teen, I've been strong through school, grad. school, and I've been strong as a single parent.

But the truth is, I've been lonely. I've been hopeless. I've felt trapped. If anyone has been strong, it hasn't been me. If I've made it through the last nine years, and I have, it hasn't been because of my abilities or strengths, but because God, in his ever amazing providence and love, has carried and guided me through that time, as well as providing an amazing structure of community through my parents and a few friends. But only now am I allowing myself to see this. I counted all my goals met and degrees earned, all the compliments to E's personality as my ability to parent as a single mom, as my own ability. It made me proud as if I were the one who did so well.

And I was proud. I was proud I was able to walk through the halls of my school, when fellow students would turn around and look at me as if I was so much different than they were. I was proud I could answer questions about my future and my baby when people finally got the nerve up to ask when I'd wear maternity clothes or what I was going to do the next year (I certainly wasn't going away to school as I had hoped).  Later, I was proud to be able to juggle parenting, a full-load at college, and at times, two part-time jobs. I was proud I could tell the older women I saw that yes, he was my child. Yes, I did look like I was a teenager because I was a teenager. I was proud I could bite my tongue anytime someone stereotyped teen moms as rednecks and people who would never go anywhere in life.

But that pride also evaporated into pity. For the last nine years, I've swung back and forth on a pendulum between pride in myself and self-pity because of my situation. I was accomplishing so much on the surface, and yet during the nights of being alone in the quiet of the dawn with a screaming baby, in the grumblings of my heart when I saw friends' "normal" lives, I threw a giant pity-party. I demanded of God, "why me?" Why was I punished for a sin that so many commit? Why did I have to deal with so much on my own? Of course, I didn't listen for any kind of answers, but continued on my way as if God didn't answer.

Don't misunderstand. I have always loved E. From the moment I knew he existed, and I always knew it was a "he," I have loved him. In all of my self-pity, I have loved him. But I have also been selfish, thinking that I was the one who "got caught."

This pride/pity thrived on my selfishness, as if I deserved something greater than what I was experiencing. The difference between whether I was wearing Pride or Pity stemmed only from the circumstance, one that could change in the turn of a page or the cry of a child. As I responded to my situation, I never considered that my attitude, of all things, could actually be the problem. I never considered that the whole thing wasn't just about me and what I wanted, but rather what was best for me in the big picture of life. E has always been God's perfect plan for my life.

Pride and self-pity have controlled so much in the last nine years. They've prevented me from making no more than a few deep friendships. They've controlled how I respond to almost every situation. They have tormented me constantly. Yet, I clung to them as if they were the only thing that would get me through. I clung to myself, my constantly flawed and failing self. On the outside, I would say I knew God was in control. I would say I knew He had a plan for my life. But on the inside, I thought if I didn't work, if I didn't control it myself, then I would never get anywhere. My actions and thoughts reflected the lies I believed.

I am so thankful to see this selfishness exposed. I am so thankful to be moving past it. I am so thankful I don't have to do this on my own. I am so thankful for God's providence. I am so thankful to have Tyler. I am so thankful to have E.

2012

"He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." - Colossians 1:17

A life-giving song for the day.

Weekend and a few links.

Happy Weekend, everyone! We've got a busy one this go-round. Tyler's parents are visiting, Tyler's mother and I are attending the Uptown Women's Conference, and I'm helping throw a baby shower on Sunday. We definitely will not run out of things to do.

I am so excited to post on the shower decor and food next week. Be prepared for Mustaches.

On an afternoon where I'm cleaning like whoa, I'd rather be sitting here.

or maybe here(but inside).

These are happy thoughts, beautiful places. I'm just thankful for the pictures.

Two-Toned Brown Nails.

Favorite Fall Craft of the Week - Thanks for the tip, Faith!

Birthday Cake Fudge