Let's Be Honest

Dwelling Inside or Out?

When you see me pondering and if you ask me what I'm thinking about, there is an 88% chance I'll be thinking about the future, a 10% chance I'm thinking of the past, and a 2% chance I'm thinking of the current situation.

It's so much easier to think of what I'm going to do or what happened yesterday, things I can reflect on or try to control, instead of thinking about what is happening now. I'm not sure if it's because I really like control, as I've said before, and can think of and write down all the lists of things to get or do or put together in order to control how the future works out. It also may be that I like thinking of the past because it's fixed, can't change, and my brain can work through it, making sense of and analyzing all aspects of a situation or relationship.

But in the moment, the current moment? Empty space.

It's not that I cannot focus on things or accomplish tasks. I'm not a complete space cadet. I absolutely accomplish tasks daily and am pretty good at following through. But I don't dwell on what's happening.

Why do I let myself do this? I miss out on life around me because I'm paying attention to what cannot be changed and what has not happened.

Obviously it's pointless to look back and wish I could change what I said or did. No brainer. And it's good to plan for the future. But I find I miss out on enjoying and making the most of my moment-by-moment time because my brain is wandering somewhere else.

But we don't know what will happen tomorrow. Our lives may end today. We do not know the scope of how long we will be on this earth. This may seem pretty negative and make me feel as if my life is pointless. But in reality, it's a reminder to me that I can plan and plan for tomorrow, but ultimately tomorrow is in God's hands. So I have today. I have these moments to spend with Ethan, with Tyler, with my community, with Charlotte. I have these moments to put my all in to loving others and caring for people's needs. This would be a much better use of my time.

Instead of having an 88:10:2 ratio, I should probably aim for 75% in the present, 23% in the future, and 2% in the past. I can learn from the past, but that's about it. It's done, it's over with, I cannot change it. It doesn't not need to be dwelt on. It's time to move on to this present moment.