Lately.

It's been a few weeks. I won't apologize. It's not that I haven't been thinking about what to blog and when to blog it. I have, but the posts just haven't materialized.

I'll be honest. I've been struggling with stress and anxiety. It's starting to take a physical toll on my body, too. I've started clenching and grinding my teeth, which I think I did before, but now I'm waking up with a sore jaw. Also, my hair has started falling out, and I have a bald spot (No, I will not show it to you). The hair issue started in Fall '11, but has continued to get worse over time.

It sounds awful, I get married and suddenly I'm stressed and my hair is falling out. But, it's not Tyler's fault. It's mine.

Instead of dealing with any of the stress of the last 10 years, I've compartmentalized it. It's all still jumping around in rooms in my brain, waiting for the door to be opened the slightest amount, and then all of the events and circumstances come flooding back. I find myself an angry person.

My only response emotion is anger. I rarely am excited or surprised by anything. If I'm responding to someone else, I typically feel anger. Don't get me wrong, I still love going to do fun things but my emotions are more diminished than they should be/could be.

Poor Tyler.

Since I've finally realized it, it's time for me to work through everything. It's time for me to embrace pain, loneliness, grief, and fear. Hopefully then, I can move through it and past it.

I'm ready.

Also, this is my favorite picture lately. I love these two guys and their relationship together. Just recently, during E's spring break, my dad taught him to whittle, to drive the tractor on his own, and to take apart a carburetor.