Let's Be Honest

I read this quote the other day while prepping for the new school year:

Ethan, himself

"The effective teacher strives for purposeful movement toward a common end. You cannot control your students' minds without shutting them down. But you can lead them." - The Lost Tools of Writing

I stopped reading. I put down the book and walked away. I could not imagine that this quote would apply to me. Not about my students let's say, but my son. Let's face it,  I want to control my son's mind. I want to change the way he thinks, the decisions he makes, and sometimes how he respects others. It's that moment when we're in public and he starts dancing like a wild man or rolls his eyes and has a sassy moment. I just want that control. I want him to act exactly how I would have him act because that's the easy way out.

I think many parents would agree to feeling like this at some point in life. It's pretty easy to control them(tantrums and all) until they turn 6 or 7 and can suddenly make decisions and start arguing with or pointing out your mistakes. But mind control still works for many parents for years. I want Ethan to be himself but I also want him to be a copy of me.

Controlling his mind isn't really what I want. The world needs Ethan. Now if I'm really honest with myself, I'd admit the end goal of parenting is for Ethan to one day be free and independent from me, able to make wise decisions, and seek to love others. I don't want him to be a copy of my prideful, selfish, and typically argumentative self. But when I take the easy way, practicing mind control because it's simply easier, I often find myself creating a mini-me, and that monster scares the heebeegeebees out of me. I've shut down his mind and set mine up as resident - it's a fearsome sight.

Leading someone is much harder than just controlling them. It means investing more time, more emotion, more struggle. It means working together through personality differences and loving the person through the flaws and errors and sin. It's showing God's grace in the midst of disappointment.

Many days I try and lead my son. But often I realize I just want to control his mind.

A frightening moment of self-insight for my day but so important to remember when I'm tired of leading.